When Gay Girls Go Straight
I know of 4 different gay girls who have stunned their friends by announcing they're now straight.
Each girls life is built on a completely different set of circumstances but what they have in common is the fact that despite living as a gay woman their entire adult life they (seemingly) suddenly come to believe that lesbianism for them was a phase.
Discussing it with a friend the other night it occurred to me that there was a link between many of the gay women we knew. The link being that the majority had, or have had difficult relationships with their Mums.
Because of this and other reasons I’ve questioned my sexuality at length but whether it’s remembering the time I was transfixed looking down a woman’s top age 10 or the way the ‘heart of glass’ video with those close up lips made me feel funny age 4-36 I’m sure its all because at heart I’m just a lezzer.
Now, while we can understand what makes a woman come out as gay late in the day, we’re much more confused when a gay women deserts us for a life of heterosexuality.
Any psychotherapist will tell you there’s little to distinguish between intense parental love and the love we feel for a partner. So it stands to reason that if the longing for motherly love isn’t met it by someone in that role we’ll seek it out in other females. But “what about the sex” you cry? Well having sex is irrelevant in a situation like this, it’s the emotional connection that matters.
So how do we know that rather than abandoning their true calling, these women weren’t straight all along, but just acting on an indescribably deep and unconscious need for motherly love.
I'm looking forward to talking to them and understanding everything from their perspective but in the meantime I wish my friends as much happiness in their new lives as I did their old.
VS
Comments
I love my mum
Maybe my close bond with my mum makes me more comfortable with women? (Except try telling me that when I'm stuck for words in a bar on a saturday night!)
I really don't think Psychology can tar everyone with the same brush, there are so many underlying variables to why we do what we do, and love who we love.
Whenever someone changes their sexuality later in life, I always feel a little bit sorry for them, that it's taken so long for them to feel true to themselves.
But I'm sure for one psychologist saying a woman might be gay because of problems with their mum, there is probably another saying a lack of trust of their father drives women towards other women.
Mums the word..
When i first started to come out i had people question my lesbianism because of the lack of relationship i've had with my Mum, at the time it pissed me off and people stopped asking.
In the years that have passed since i moved out, the relationship i have with my Mum has gone from strength to strength. Things between us have never been so good, ive finally got the relationship i've always wanted with her.
I agree with the father comment, psychologists will always try and find a way to explain things. I grew up without knowing my Dad, he disappeared on me for 5 years & i had very little contact with him the whole time. My Mum met a guy who ended up being incredibly violent for their 10 year relationship, lots of people would say that this has made me not trust men, i completely disagree.
As i am in my 20s and know many lesbians who are also in their 20s, i guess by the same rule, many of them could be identifying as gay because of their bad realtionships with their mothers? the only issue is that i don't think i know another lesbian that has major Mum issues.
Overall i think my opinion is that people are constantly learning who they are, constantly evolving and because of this things change. Everyone has their own road, one way or another they'll take the path that is right for them, this sometimes means that major things (like sexuality) change, life just isn't as black and white as we'd like it to be.
