The Ex Factor

Being on Twitter I ve watched friendships bloom and planet lezza getting smaller by the week. It s starting to feel more like a 70 s Coke ad every day. Of course it s not always going to be like this. One day we ll be eking out small pockets of friendship, far from the battles going on around us, wishing Gaydar and Twiter hadn t been born.

And all because, by the year 2025 (ish) we’d have known, dated or fucked every other lesbian out there and will therefore be locked, one way or another, in the battle of the Ex. 

For those of you who managed to mutually decide that things weren’t working out and after a decent period of sadness became good friends again, I salute you. In fact, if you even managed to stay on speaking terms never mind friendship, you still managed more than me. 

Maybe it shouldn’t matter, after all people aren’t always meant to stay in our lives forever, but when a gap is left where a good friendship once was it makes no sense to cut that friendship out simply because you were once lovers, and it didn’t work out.

My own ex story is a messy affair. One that even years after the break-up means being in the same room is fraught with difficulty.

First there’s the reason we fell apart. We don’t agree. And although old therapy head here can now see things from both sides, my ex is still so racked with rage and hatred it’s an impossible hurdle to get over.

Then there’s the handling of the break up itself. One of us feels absolutely fucked over by that chain of events while the other refuses to acknowledge any wrong-doing.

But surely after all these years we can sit down like adults, and discuss the part we both had to play in the destruction of ‘us’.  Apparently not, so for the next 70 years we’ll only get to go to alternate nights out because it’s just too difficult for our friends to have us both there at the same time.

Now it’s been suggested that the reluctance to sort things out might be down to more than just pure hatred. It seems there’s some unresolved feelings at work and as someone who wrote the book on unresolved feelings I know all too well what a head fuck that can be.

So, do I offer the hand of friendship one final time, when every attempt so far has left me feeling nothing but angry and frustrated or leave her to work through things herself, which judging by past and present behaviour isn’t likely to happen in my lifetime?