I'm coming out. And out. And out

by Victoria
published 12th Aug 2010

Everyone has a coming out story. I m sure mine was no different from many of yours. But no matter how it came about it s always some sort of relief when it happens because finally the secret's out. You may have been expecting the turmoil or awkwardness of your burst out of the closet but were you expecting to have to do it not just once but throughout your life?

Everyone has a coming out story. I’m sure mine was no different from many of yours. But no matter how it came about it’s always some sort of relief when it happens because finally the secret's out.

You may have been expecting the turmoil or awkwardness of your burst out of the closet but were you expecting to have to do it not just once but throughout your life?

No one warned you that every time you meet new people, start a new job or move house and register with a new doctor, with it will come the inevitable “so have you got a husband or boyfriend” question.

And now we’re finally allowed to marry our other half the presence of a ring brings up a whole new world of confusion.

I’m working with a new client, on what could well become a long-term basis, and every time the subject of my ‘husband’ (it’s the ring's fault) comes up I find myself becoming increasingly vague. I don’t want to lie. I’m very proud of my wife and our life, but I suspect he won’t take the same view.

And once you’ve allowed someone to talk about a male partner for a while it becomes more and more awkward to set them straight (no pun intended) once you are sure they can handle the news.

Where possible I correct the assumption I’m with a man at the first mention, but as I work with a lot of overseas clients I’m often reluctant to be so open which creates problems when my ‘husband’ is invited along to an event.

I think I’ll just keep a male gay friend on retainer just in case and save the hassle

Victoria

Founder of Wildcherry and still licking the girls into shape.
View Victoria's blog...

Comments

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i know right...

By Bexington posted Monday 23rd August 2010 8:24:00pm

I have the same problem... especially when meeting new people who know about the impending wedding but not the wife to be...
One of my colleagues even spent a good half an hour (After we talked about my being gay) trying to persuade me that i didn't look gay... pretty sure that's just them trying to persuade themselves that they are ok with working with me...

Fuck em.

By Keltik posted Tuesday 24th August 2010 8:36:43am

I know I still get read a gay alot and frankly now, Im not inclined to explain anything to the people I work with. I dont spend time with them outside work, but if conversation were to arise that I would be talking about a partner, I wouldnt bother with any explaination, if people cant understand why Im saying she instead of he, thats just too bad.

This assumption that just because your married means its to a guy is so fucking irritating, you should set him straight, nip that bullshit heteronormative priviledged mindset in the bud and dont let him keep pissing you off. Who you go home to at night doesnt affect your ability to do your job.

too true.....

By Becks posted Thursday 2nd September 2010 2:41:26pm

As i have spent a huge portion of my adult life working on building sites i get this so much, especially around the time of our wedding. I didn't want to correct people so i left it and then when the pictures came round there were one or two blushing faces.

I think i've found that generally i can't be bothered with walking into a new situation and having to announce the ins and outs of my home life to those around me.

the doctors are a pain in the arse, i've been at the same place for 5 years, they all know i'm gay, they all know who my wife is and yet they still ask if there's any chance i could be pregnant and if not why not - frustrating when you've answered the same question at least 30 times.