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The School of Lesbianism
Coming from a background of boyfriends as I do, my first experiences with girls were on a 'get it when I could' basis, usually with bi-curious or straight, 'friends of a friend'.
I ran the busiest pub in a small town and although the plentiful supply of alcohol helped smooth the way to success, my profile as town landlady (as well as girlfriend of the landlord) meant that the experiences I did have were usually quick, fumbling affairs in the office or cellar. I was over a barrel in every way.
I moved to London and with the help of a new best mate, took full advantage of what the girl bars of Soho had to offer. One night after successfully luring 2 girls back to our flat, I became fully aware of what an amateur I was.
My friend and co-lurer, snuck into my room and asked if I had any lube they could use. "Er no. Do you need it?!" I innocently asked. "Well Im not going to let her fist me without it" she replied.
And right there, I was got by the fear. Apart from the bits that came naturally I realised I had a lot to learn about one of lifes most pondered mysteries, how DO lesbians have sex?
We do know it's not REAL don't we?
Ive written before about lesbians being their own worst enemy when it comes to not accepting other lesbians just because they dont look like the very stereotype we apparently hate. But after a chat over a couple* of glasses of wine the other night with a friend who knows a thing or two about the lesbian press, it became clear that its far more confusing than Id first realised
Women come last at casual sex.
Those of you with gay friends of the male kind will likely be aware of an app called Grindr. (Do these people not have access to a dictionary?) The app enables the user to connect with other frisky fellas in the area, making a quick bunk up an even speedier affair altogether. After all, meeting in a bar can take MINUTES. Unsurprisingly it's a very popular app, leading the makers to launch a hetero version. So why haven't the makers rushed a lezzer version to the app store? It's ok readers, I've done the thinking for you.
There's no business like the lesbian porn business.
Wildcherry has come a long way since it's first incarnation as an adult phone line in 2003. That said, if this was a business that made clothes or toilet roll covers in the shape of an Edwardian lady i'd be pretty disappointed with my level of productivity.
DIY: A personal history of wanking
Judging by the breathtaking number of 'personal sex toys' on the market, pretty much every female of a certain age is wanking themselves into a frenzy 7 days a week. Not me, I like to give myself weekends off. So what is masturbation, to give it it's grown up name and what is it's place in the modern adults life?
The Ex Factor
Being on Twitter I ve watched friendships bloom and planet lezza getting smaller by the week. It s starting to feel more like a 70 s Coke ad every day. Of course it s not always going to be like this. One day we ll be eking out small pockets of friendship, far from the battles going on around us, wishing Gaydar and Twiter hadn t been born.
Remind me what it is we want again?
I'm rubbish at the gay 'cause'. I'm never honestly really sure what it is we actually want.
The Rise of the 'Good Time Gay'.
There's a menace on the streets. It lurks in workplaces, bars and even in the home. It plays you like a piano then drops you like a hot brick. I call it the 'good time gay'.
When Gay Girls Go Straight
I know of 4 different gay girls who have stunned their friends by announcing they're now straight.
Are You a Pedigree or a Mongrel?
First it was horses, then it was dogs, and now it's lesbians falling over themselves to claim their pedigree certificate. And just in case you're wondering, I'm not talking about those poor lesbians with mixed parentage (one northern, one southern, shudder) I'm talking about something far purer than that. I'm talking about the right to wear the prestigious 'gold star'.
I'm coming out. And out. And out
Everyone has a coming out story. I m sure mine was no different from many of yours. But no matter how it came about it s always some sort of relief when it happens because finally the secret's out. You may have been expecting the turmoil or awkwardness of your burst out of the closet but were you expecting to have to do it not just once but throughout your life?
When should we stop pointing out the obvious?
I was in a gay bar in Soho a couple of weeks ago. On my way to the loo I happened across a display of leaflets, and one in particular left me stunned. You can get HIV through your cock in bold type over a close up picture of said cock. So what was it about this leaflet that shocked me? The graphic imagery of the naked cock? Hardly. It was the fact that 25 years after the government launched their Don t Die of Ignorance campaign, gay men are still having to be told the obvious, that if you have sex of any description without using a condom, you put yourself at risk of HIV or AIDS.
Who made YOU the lesbian police?
I ve been following the tweets of a well-known (ish) lesbian blogger for months and couldn t help but notice how every tweet recently has been concerning the issue of what constitutes a real lesbian. Wikipedia describes lesbians as being women who primarily have emotional or sexual attractions to other females. But according to this particular blogger that simply isn t enough.
Equality is our right but are we going about it all wrong?
When Jan Moir wrote that infamous article I felt as disgusted as many of you. Without a shred of evidence she tarnished the memory of a man who died of nothing more sinister than an undetected chest complaint. The latest controversy hurtling around, is the AA Gill article published in The Times. At first read I was horrified. I honestly couldn't believe it had even made it to print, but then I stopped, and thought, and decided I wasn't so sure we'd been the victim of anything, other than the inappropriate use of the 'D' word , at all.
Will someone PLEASE explain: Butch & Femme
Back in the early days of my lesbian career I made a concerted effort to exude powerful femininity, pitching myself half way between Jessica Rabbit and Joan Collins
The Loneliness of a Small Town Lesbian
I was never cut out for a small town existence, and like many other closet lesbians I made the move to a big city at the earliest opportunity.
Are lesbians their own worst enemy?
Me and lesbianism didn't hit it off until I was halfway through my 20's and I realised I couldn't live the lie anymore.
